A friend in need

I like to talk. In fact, as Bob Hoskins told us throughout the 1990's, it's good to talk. One of my parents favourite memories of me as a child was me playing on my Fisher Price Telephone and chattering away to the (admittedly imaginary) person on the other end for hours.  One of their scariest memories was probably when I decided that Fisher Price version was no longer cutting it and wanted to play on the real telephone.  I vividly recall telling my Mum in earnest that it was OK, as I would not dial numbers that I knew so there would be no bill.  A logic which may still apply I feel.  My talkativeness continued into my teens with the phone being a key ally, despite it annoyingly being tied to the wall.  I did manage to get the wire to stretch into my bedroom but this did not go down so well with Mum and Dad, apart from anything else it became a trip wire hazard on the approach to the bathroom.

Talking continued to be a theme throughout my young adult life, but only ever with people I knew.  With strangers I was very, very shy. It was a paradoxical situation as friends and family would put me down as confident and outgoing, but in a room full of intimidating strangers or uncomfortable surroundings I would not say boo to a goose.  After graduation I went round the world on my own, in a brave and self developing feat of confidence boosting.  I don't know what made me do it, but I think I knew deep down that if I did not take the plunge then I would spend the rest of my life in the shadow of shyness and this would never do.  After the voyage of discovery, I was much better but even now there are times when I have to steel myself to walk into a room of people and start talking to someone.  Sometimes, you will still find my skulking at the back next to the teapot.  I am definitely a one on one, small group conversationalist by nature.  Overtime, my talking has developed into listening as well and I am now quite adept at listening carefully, even if I do say so myself.

So recently it has been lovely to have received so many personal and direct communications from friends all around the world.  It does not matter how long it has been since we last spoke or saw one another, or how we initially met and got to know one another, each message comes across as it was written; from a friend to me.  I have tried to respond to as many messages as I can, not because I think I have to, but because it is the opening of a dialogue which I quite enjoy.  As a result, the conversations have developed either electronically or verbally, and it is no longer about how I am feeling, but also about what is going on in other people's worlds.  I encourage this, both in terms of the good and the less good, and there is something I find very satisfying about being able to listen to someone else's worries, hopes and fears, and provide them with the appropriate response - be it advice, opinion or just a listening ear.  It gives me a sense of purpose, and makes me feel very much in need.  This may sound a little strange given I have quite a lot to keep me occupied at present but hearing about other people's challenges, no matter how small, give me an opportunity to think about something else, and allow me to feel useful.  I think it is also useful for the other person as well as often I have received emails or been on the end of phone conversations which have started or ended with lines like "I know it's nothing like what you're going through but..." and "It sounds less important when I say it out loud". The opportunity to air ones views and feelings is very powerful.

So today, I am taking heart in the fact that I am still able to talk and listen with purpose, which in turn brings benefit both to me as a distraction and also to others as a venting mechanism.  I also think a really big positive from this whole battle is that it does put things into perspective, for almost everyone I know, and if I have inspired just one person to make a positive change in their life for the better then, I am very happy with that. If you are that person, then well done you.  If it wasn't, then what are you waiting for?  Get on with it please.