Hello again

Chemotherapy is a cruel mistress. On the one hand she promises to rid me of thus invasion of unwelcome disease which is now thanks to the toxic efforts thus far of Madame chemo shrinking as it should. On the other however she makes me feel drained to my core to the extent I can barely clamber out of bed to reach a glass of water and so nauseous and sick that I couldn't dare move from the bed even if I had the energy.   I haven't eaten properly in about  a week and that's not through a lack of trying (see above point on nausea) which makes me look gaunt and saggy as if all my muscles have just caved away.  Judging by how my legs feel when I try to stand for more than a few seconds, this could well be the case in fact. I have slept for about 42 of the last 48 hours and this weariness shows little sign of abating just yet.  And these are just the physical symptoms. Mentally it is another story again. Due to the large expanses of time spent asleep it is hard to distinguish sometimes between what is real and what is imagined. And what is imagined can be quite surreal which brings its own challenges. I dreamt the other night that I was on a beach holiday in the Caribbean with the strangest mix of people ranging from randoms from university I had not thought if in years to people I have at some point in the last few years come across but hardly significantly.  Add this to the fact it was raining on the beach, there were no hotels and I had to get a boat to the mainland to collect my medication and you have the makings of a seriously disturbed nightmare. Couple this with unpredictable awake phases which tend to occur in the middle of the conventional night and you can see why chemo is both mentally and physically draining. 

So, I've now done 5 rounds of the stuff. That is 83% of the expected course.  Only one more round to go. What happens next depended very much on the next scan and how much further the chemo has shrunk the disease.  One thing is for sure though, is that there will be more treatment and so my arduous relationship with Madame chemo is far from over. 

I apologise for not blogging sooner. I realise it's been a long time but since the end of round 4 I've been wiped out and what with christmas in the way as well things have slipped a bit. Despite my fragile state and propensity to be asleep however we all had a lovely festive break at my parents where I got to nap as required and mr man was suitably fed and watered by my mum, which made both of them feel needed I think.  The astute amongst you will have noticed the hour of this posting however and so as I write in the early hours of the second day of the year when I can surely be the only person awake not nursing a hangover this tells you that whilst round 5 has been fully administered, it's effects are still on full display. Bring on the next one as I think I've just about you nailed.